Saturday, June 13, 2009

Crushed by The Man

Mom and Dad decided I need more "structure", which I am sure is a synonym for repression. Since I'm too short for the military academy, they started with a bedtime "routine", which is a synonym for soulless orthodoxy.

Every day starting at 8 PM, they march me down this weary path:
  1. Feed me until I slosh. 
  2. Change my diaper and brush my gums.
  3. Slide me into a sleeping "swaddle" (straitjacket).
  4. Read a story and sing a song (mental indoctrination).
  5. Tuck me snugly into my co-sleeper and lie down beside me (physical coercion and intimidation) until I get drowsy.
The Man is cramping my style. A girl just can't be a free spirit (as in wailing banshee) anymore.

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